I have read a few articles here from women on masturbation. This is a unique take on the act of self-pleasure from a men’s perspective. The act of masturbation is so common among men that no-one bats an eyelid when you hear about this act from a man. Maybe only if he does it too often or in public then it would be frowned upon.
Commonly, men start masturbating in their teenage years. Raging hormones they say. I didn’t get into it until my late teens. I was in an all-boys school when I was a teenager which is just as well for me because I will surely have got distracted by girls if I was in a mixed school. All around me, the exchange of pornographic material and in those days, VCDs was rampant but it never got to me. The curiosity in me didn’t pique at all to find out what it was all about.
I didn’t even know what masturbation was until I was 13 years old. An old female teacher said to our class that masturbation is a sexual act with the devil and it was met with a chorus of “Wooooos!” from a classroom of 13-year-old boys. I had no clue at that time what it was. I found out more about it in the coming months. I did get up in the morning with an erect penis which was embarrassing as I had to cover it up before coming in front of my parents.
I had wet dreams and that too was embarrassing. The first time I had it, I had no clue what it was and what had happened. I was too shy to ask anyone about it. I woke up in the wee hours of the morning, went to the toilet and washed up the stain. I didn’t change my shorts to avoid arousing suspicion. I went back to sleep praying that the stain will dry up and no-one will ask what that wet stain was. Thankfully, it dried up and I managed to cover it up.
As you might figure by now, I was naive about sexual matters. I was interested in girls but my main attraction was for celebrities that I saw on TV shows and movies. I did imagine having one of those women in bed with me and what I would do with her and to each other but I never got to the point of taking matters to my hand so to speak. One of the most sexually arousing movies that I watched as a teen was Hollow Man. It was risque but again nothing happened.
Finally, at the age of 18, I broke my masturbation virginity. The dam was broken and the water came gushing out in a flood. It started with reading sex jokes on the Internet. Slowly, I got the courage to progress to downloading sex scenes from movies on platforms like Limewire. That night, I watched a lot of these scenes. Searching for actresses that attracted me. I masturbated at least 7 to 8 times in a night. I woke up the next morning like a zombie.
The cherry had popped and it didn’t stop. I masturbated some more in the following evening while having a shower. I was unstoppable. The videos I had downloaded and seen stuck with me in my mind and that was what kept arousing me. I am not sure if it is the same for other males who masturbated for the first time but that was it for me.
Now slowly, I began to notice that things started going wrong for me after masturbation. The first thing that happened to me was a knee injury I picked up from a football match from masturbating the night before. It is likely to be related to my joints being weak from frequent masturbation and a lack of strength and conditioning in my legs. This injury will prove to be costly and life-defining as I can now no longer play football or run and lost a job in the Police because of it.
The regularity of my masturbation reduced significantly from its initial days. But I began noticing that a day after masturbation, something would go wrong in my life. I would notice that things would not go right either in my personal relations with my family, my partner, with myself, my studies/job or one of my favourite teams will lose. This started affecting me mentally around masturbation.
I know lots of people can just whip it out and give it a good shake if they are aroused and if they want to do so at any time. I can’t. I got to look at the days coming up and plan on when to do it. I got to look at which day is the least risky among all days to do it. Of course, as years went by, I began having sex too and that too I felt affected my life more so when it was done outside of wedlock.
I can’t understand why is it that there is this strange phenomenon that has stuck to me like a curse. It is not something that you can Google and find out its answers to online. I have not shared this with anyone except with a woman I met on a date and later with my wife. During our conversations, it just clicked when she shared that she was non-sexual. I couldn’t share it with anyone else for the fear of being ridiculed. I shared it with her and she explained that it might be that when I ejaculate, my guardian angel is not happy at me wasting my seed which is why things go wrong.
She did suggest that I go on a meta-spiritual journey to connect with my guardian angel. It would involve a journey where my soul leaves my body and goes into the spiritual sphere. I was not going to take that risk so despite being keen, I decided against it. Up to now, that is still the best explanation I got on why things go wrong for me when I masturbate. The other one I got was actually online and that was in the Chinese belief that masturbation messes with your ying and yang. The longer you refrain from masturbation, the better your luck will be and the longer you will live. I have thought that it could be a psychological problem and I have tried not thinking too much about it but still, something wrong would happen a day or two after.
This is my story. The story of a curse around masturbation. It is a story that I feel is unique. I am probably the only man who faces a conundrum on when to masturbate and of suppressing my sexual desires for the greater good in my life. Know anyone like me? Or do you have an explanation on why things go wrong when I masturbate?